Bag of Secrets

Everyone’s a bag of secrets, and that’s a fact. You go out and you see a line of smiles, a line of faces which you try to figure out and you think you can. You think you know what matters about your friends, about your enemies, you have the key points figured out (or so you think). You don’t know shit, my friend. Humans are social animals – they need to belong. The only way they can belong comfortably is if they are under the illusion that they know the basic dispositions of the people they belong with. Is this guy happy or maniacal? Is she a bitch or a sweetie? Is this guy going to help me if the shit hits the fan or is he going to flee? We all make assumptions about these things about our friends, acquaintances*, outer circle and even relatives (to a certain extent). These assumptions we use as building blocks of our little “houses of comfort”, our external walls of safety that give us the space to focus on our own endeavours in an estranged world where everyone in effect is in it for himself. What a freakin’ illusion!

Are you sure, mate, about your friends? Can you vouch that this guy will not turn his back on you in a time of need? Yes? U sure…? Once you see the darker side of your girl can you say with the same certainty as before that this can be a loyal companion? How often has a out-of-place stark remark brought you back down to earth in a flash after a fantastic night or even an honest romantic walk….?

How presumptuous is of us to assume that we can get to know someone else really? We don’t even ever get to know ourselves, do we!? Then why do we need to figure out anyone else!? Do people ever cease to surprise us? No, they don’t, and you will agree. What then is the big drama? Why our expectations of consistency? Why do we need to build these walls of comfort and seek a guarantee of good dispositions in others? Why can’t we just live comfortably on the alert, on the brink of the friendship – free-flowing in an out, outside ourselves and a little bit inside others? Why can’t we accept the risk, the imminent failures, the disappointment in people, the let-downs in advance and be clear and realistic about the actual future that lies ahead? Why can’t we be happy with half-happy things?

Or is this just me?

m-f

*this use of the word “acquaintance” I dedicate to Suszana, which long ago made me forever hate the word “acquaintance”

p.s. yes, I know this is very one-sided.
“A kakva e drugata strana, shte nauchite v sledvashtia epizod, mili detsa…” kaza PCLB, zatvori knigata I zapia: ”az sum munichko choveeeche, na detsa-ta mil drugar…..”