Rejoin Yourself
The BALANCE Theory

Hello dear. I have a theory.

He had not been himself, lately. He was a stranger to himself. What he did was surprising to him as well (a few seconds after he said something he asked himself ‘wtf!’. How could he overturn it? Did he really want to (probably yes, but more appropriately, was he prepared to do what was needed)? What did overturning not being yourself mean, actually?....

Let's investigate this scientifically, first:

Let's see how this so-called straying from yourself starts.

It starts with a few compromises. A few trade-offs that give you what you don't have, but crave, in exchange for a part of yourself. A few times of silence, withholding what you itch to say. A few broken hearts that push you in the wrong direction of thinking you should somehow compensate for them by being different or doing what some idiot did to you. A few lies, here and there, innocent, silly and fun (but deep down pissing on everything you stand for). And you are there - a few feet from yourself. You start moving through life like the animated clone of your own true (former) self, a silent companion, a shadow that comes in touch with the body only under the most extreme of circumstances (high noon shootout). You stop having the ability to make right choices, because you don't feel anything, being outside your own body. You think you know what's good for you, but you're only judging by what's good for the shadow companion and what you vague remember about your true self.

Desperate measures are called for, and you realise it. You realise you can only make steps back to breathing back life to your own dry zombie companion, walking alongside your shadow soul if you start making some uncomfortable changes that lead to obviously bad tradeoffs (as judged by your current state of mind - since we want change, that's what we need to change first and foremost). For example, you need to change a job, even if it feels comfortable, money's good and you know what you are doing, just because you can feel the need for excitement and renewal from the opportunity to change. You need to change your girlfriend if you feel like you're sinking in an emotional swamp of stress and compromises with her, "just to keep her". You need to stop (eating, drinking, smoking, watching TV, whatever...) if the thought that that's not right for you has ever crossed your mind. Etc...

Let's now further analyse this the proper way: the "what I'm feeling" way.

You hear accordions and harmonicas. You realise that everything is subjective and rules are only valid until the current ones are broken, shortly. Min tells you about Paolo Conte, you download some and you like it very much. You become surrounded and overcame with senses and impressions. You give up the scientific formula explanation and you seek out a deeper overall meaning: after careful thought, everything seems to be driven by a need to balance, hence an achievement of something good for you is often naturally followed by a conscious step on your behalf to something bad for you (ex. you stop eating pizza but you start drinking more). Why this need for balance? What does ‘need for balance’ stand for? Such a need for balance sounds like simply a fear of change, and a fear of change naturally seems to be driven by the bad effects of change one has experienced.

So, we can simplify to this:

your life depends on the effect that the changes in your life have on you

Thanks,
Dr. M-F, MD